“I really thought coming into an adopted home was supposed to be a loving home with two loving parents who cared, no matter what. Yet, I always felt like I wasn’t enough.
Hi! My name is Katie! I’m 23 years old and I was born in Harlem and raised in The Bronx. I’ve been asked to share my adoption experience and I’m happy to because I want people to understand the meaning of adoption. I want to share the good, the bad and the ugly.
I’m going to start with the good experience of being adopted by two parents. I appreciate them because they didn’t have to take me in and they didn’t have to do anything for me, but they did. Had they not taken me in, I could’ve been a stripper, prostitute, junkie or maybe even dead. I say this because I was living in Polo Grounds with my Grandma, who was an alcoholic. She didn’t really pay so much attention to me. I will never say that she didn’t love me, but she wasn’t the best fit for a Grandma. One thing about my mom she always made sure that I had clean hair, clean clothes, had food and celebrated my birthdays but everything went her way. However, as I was getting older, I felt my mom was too hard on me. I started to feel mostly negative vibes, even though few were positive. I remember my mom cursing at me and shouting at me instead of talking to me like a real person. One time she put a hot curling iron to my face, and I remember just wanting to always cut myself because I felt like she didn’t love me like she loved her other children.
I really thought coming into an adopted home was supposed to be a loving home with two loving parents who cared, no matter what. I always felt like I wasn’t enough. There were many incidents that made me wonder what I did to deserve the lack of love from my adoptive parents. Was it because I was adopted? When you’re adopted, you basically have no control but to listen to the people? I know in foster care there are protocols, but I guess she felt that way because now I’m hers and she can do whatever she wants as I wouldn’t be able to say or do anything? However, I gained a voice as I got older. From being told to keep quiet to being told I’m not good enough, I finally got heard when I told my grandmother that I was being molested by my biological brother. I felt relief when I saw that my grandma believed me, but it still hurt when my other biological brothers didn’t believe me.
I know my mother could’ve treated me better. As I got older, she gave me more respect than she had ever before because I broke it down for her. I had to scream, yell and cry to get her to understand that I didn’t appreciate the way she treated me growing up. I got my apology and the longest hug ever I needed from her. Today, I thank her because she made me into a more confident person. I will never forget. I forgive. Now, I can do anything I put my mind to. Thank you for everything, Mom!
People think my adoption journey was so easy, but it was the opposite. There were times where I felt like I was being used. Overall my journey had more negatives than positives, but I’ve gained a lot of knowledge from being adopted. I’ve forgiven my adoptive parents, my biological brothers and my biological parents. For so many years I hated them, and I was immensely angry, but I slowly started to understand that this world isn’t perfect, nobody is perfect.” (The Bronx, NY, USA)
Katie lives in The Bronx and works in a middle school as she loves children. She also supports adoptees through her Instagram account @adoptiongroupbykay.